Behind Phoenix from the Ashes: A bit about my own survival

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In nine short days, my second collection of poetry will be released to the world. Behind the Mask was a showing of what someone truly hides behind their every day mask they present to the world. Phoenix from the Ashes is a story of survival. It is the story of my survival but I have learned that I am far from alone. There are many people in this world that suffer with the big bad demon of depression and just as many live with PTSD. All of us that live with those things every day are survivors. I am a survivor and despite my past I have in the end chosen to keep living in this world working towards something better for me. To the those of you out there struggling these issues, please remember you are far from alone.

I’ve struggled with depression for most of my life. I have since been diagnosed with PTSD due to the trauma of my past. What trauma do you ask? I grew up in the sheltered but fearsome home of a narcissistic mother. Finding my way out of that chaotic hell was a journey that I am grateful for today that I was too stubbphoenixfromtheashesteasermydeclarationoffreedomorn to give up on. I am away from my mother. In fact, I am 5,300 miles away from my mother and have not willingly s
poken to her in over three years. There are those that still tell me things like “she’s your mother” or “you only get one mother” but they are the same people who have no idea what life under the influence with a narcissist is like. After finding a multitude of support groups and pages on Facebook, I have discovered just how many have suffered in this same hell on earth that I did. It is wonderful to know that you aren’t crazy when you live in a world like that. It was something that showed me something was never wrong with me but wrong with my mother. It was relieving in a way to discover that though I had always been raised to believe I was the problem that I wasn’t.

I’ve been on a long journey of trying to find myself since walking away from my mother. I’ve learned about different things pertaining to what I had gone through. I’ve used it to help strengthen me. I’ve also written to release the feelings I had held inside for so long. There are so many of these poems that are rooted in living with a
narcissistic parent and the invisible scars it leaves behind. Why am I sharing this? I want people to know exactly phoenixfromtheashesteaseriwillkeeprisingwhere I’ve been so that maybe my writing just might help
them find their way out of a dark hole and into seeing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know how hard trying to live through this experience is first hand and I want to help others find their way to better days in their own lives. No one deserves to have live through that kind of pain.

I want Phoenix from the Ashes: Poetry from Personal Struggle, Rebirth, & Triumph to show my journey. I have separated it into three different sections naming them Fall to Darkness, Burning Day, and From the Ashes. These seventy-five poems let you see into my soul and my pain. I set it up to be metaphorical like that of a mythical phoenix to show that anyone can theoretically have a burning day and rise from the ashes someone reborn. Anyone has that power inside themselves and if there is anything I hope to come from my poetry it is that it helps lead others to that same discovery.

I’ve added a few resources on Narcissistic Mothers below. Phoenix from the Ashes: Poetry from Personal Struggle, Rebirth, & Triumph releases November 12, 2015 in Paperback and Kindle formats worldwide from KCL Publishing. For those of you out there struggling, please never hesitate to seek help and know you’re never alone.

-Helena

Cover artwork and teaser designs by Le Fey Designs

Resources on Narcissistic Mothers

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Welcome to my new blog!

After a lot of thinking, I have decided to move my blog from tumblr to wordpress. I will be moving all of my main posts from tumblr to here very soon! I’ll also be completing my posting of the poems I wrote for NaPoWriMo. I enjoyed challenging myself to write with every single prompt that was given this year and completing them. I’m going to continue to challenge myself to do more things like this in the future as it benefits my writing and creative thoughts in so many ways.

Rayna Kingston and I launched a website for the book series we are writing together known as The Passion of the Dragon Saga today! Check it out! I’m currently writing on the third chapter of the second volume of the series to be titled Love in Flames: The Story of Vlad the Impaler and the Women He Loved. We have both enjoyed sharing Hearts on Fire: The Story of Vlad the Impaler and the Women He Loved with the world as the first volume of the series. The wonderful feedback and reviews we have received have made us absolutely giddy!  This has been an incredible journey that we are just really getting started with. Hearts on Fire has been out for a little over two months now and we expect Love in Flames to release in early 2016. I’m very proud to say that I chased my dreams and do not regret for one second convincing my best friend to write this story. It is just too good to not share with the world. I know that we both cannot wait to see where else this takes us! If you happen to check out the website, you will for the first time see actual biographies for the three lead characters of Vlad, Erdenia, and Erzsébet.

Now for me it’s back to some music, which today is a Nightwish and Delain playlist in preparation for the concert on Wednesday that Rayna and I will be both be attending, and to write more on Love in Flames!

-Helena